Friday, September 30, 2011

When a Teacher's Child Gets in Trouble at School:

I got a letter from my son today.  I need to sign it so he can take it to school on Monday.  It said:

Dear Mom,

I did not get to go to the park for no reason and again I am getting in trouble for something someone else did and so did Alexso.  We were tossing the ball to each other from a foot away and then Kevin takes the ball and throws drops back and throws it over a tree and it lands in the street and then Kevin and Keegan go to get it and Ms. Molter gets mad because she said never go into the street.  And she gets mad at all of us and I could not go to the park!!!

I want school to end:

Needless to say, as a teacher I am most concerned about his lack of appropriate conventions and grammar.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Diet Crazes (warning censored bad language)

Everyone has their sure fire diet plan.  Well, I do too!  Cue catchy name:

Coffee, Students, and Gin.

Cue easy 5 step plan:

1) drink french press with half and half
2) teach in a low SES school 
3) stay late at work to keep up with all the requirements of your job
4) run your own children (who must be school aged--*refer to diet name) to and fro until bed time
5) have a glass (or two, or -who are we kidding?- three) of gin and soda

Cue amazing results in ridiculous timeline:

6lbs in 1 week.

Cue obscure pricing:

the equivalent tuition rate of 30 post-grad credits beyond Master's plus interest on the Master's and Bachelor's degrees.

Cue cheesy ad:

Want to work you a@# off literally?  Then have I got a job/diet for you....

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

It's Really Simple

Never assume you know all there is to know in life; be it about people, about things, or about why.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Apparently I am not a "girl"

I think teachers may be genderless.  I, at least, am not a "girl" in the sense of "eeeeek a girl is in the boys bathroom!!!"

Case in point:

While going over the bathroom expectations with my 5th grade students we walked down to the actual bathrooms to work with a 1/2 grade blend class to "walk through" the bathroom expectations in the actual bathroom.  The 1/2 blend teacher took the girls and I took the boys.

After reviewing the "be safe" guidelines (have a pass, go directly to bathroom and back, keep water in the sink, etc etc) and the "be responsible" (have a pass, go directly to the bathroom and back, make it quick, keep the bathroom clean etc etc etc) and the "be respectful" (see all of the above and add: don't peak under or over the stall doors/walls) I walked the 35 boys into the actual restroom to model the water in the sink and paper towels in the trash.

Upon entering the bathroom WITH my boys a few of the 5th grade boys decided that all this bathroom talk made them feel they HAD to use the urinals.  Do you know what happens when little 1st and 2nd graders see others using the urinals? They HAVE to use the urinals.  No one seemed to think anything of the fact that I was RIGHT THERE and FEMALE attempting to go over bathroom expectations. 

Being a quick thinker (and the mother of a boy!) I turned my back to the boys using the urinals and the long line of little ones behind them waiting not so patiently said, "this is a good time to remind you that it's important to wash your hands after using the bathroom" and to the sound of toilets flushing and the stench of urine I made my hasty exit.

Next year the only expectation I am going to teach is Be Respectful: Do not use the urinal while your teacher is there. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Grass Really Is Greener...

Flicka has decided that 1 city lot is not enough for her Jersey Giantness...

We are blessed to have such great chicken loving neighbors.  Chicken Poo (Especially Jersey Giant Chicken Poo) is an acquired acceptance.  I hope the giant eggs she has decided to deposit for them help with the knowledge that they just may have to share their yard with this freedom-loving, roaming, giant hen.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Sweet late summer tomatoes or Vicious body maiming fruits

I harvested another large bowl of tomatoes today.  Yummy, beautiful red and yellow tomatoes.  But lest you think that harvesting is just a pleasant afternoon event I must warn you that it is fraught with danger!

So: Sweet late summer tomatoes or Vicious body maiming fruits? 

I have no less than 5 bug bites/stings, 4 slivers in my knee and my forearms are scraped up from the tomato vine. 
Tomatoes 1 Diana 0
I ate a few tomatoes and sliced up a few more.
Tomatoes 1 Diana 1
Tomato in middle of bowl split open and left a slimy mess on the others.
Tomatoes 2 Diana 1
I am going to stew those tomatoes on low heat for an extended period of time, then I am going to freeze those tomatoes until I am ready to eat them.
Tomatoes 2 Diana 2
Then I am going to take their seeds and plant them and harvest/eat their offspring (because I hate a tie game).
Tomatoes 2 Diana 3

It's possible I may be too competitive with my fruits/vegetables....

Friday, September 2, 2011

If You Really Want Something

When the person you want some-very important-thing from is standing in front of you humbled and a glimpse of understanding about the importance of that something to you crosses their face...  (And this something you want is something that would benefit both of you.  And this something you want is something you knew they would never be able to offer you, but you stay anyway.)...  And this something you want is FINALLY offered to you by that person....don't say, "oh sure, I'll believe it when I see it" and walk off in a pouty huff.  Because, you probably just blew your shot at getting that something you really wanted.